Some children scream instead of talking… Does that ring a bell? A few days ago, my friend Caroline, mother of two kids: Isis 7 years old and Noah 10 years old, was sipping a coffee with a friend who exclaimed, at the end of her nerves: “it’s simple, Leo, my 2 year old son is not talking and is screaming nonstop !”. As her daughter had had the same subject, she had the opportunity to do research and discuss with education professionals on the issue of oral expression and the normal age of verbalization for a child. . Well, first know that a child who does not speak but shouts is quite common!
Here are some food for thought and tips to help lower the sound level of our little ones.
1 – Check hearing
If a 2-year-old is not talking and screaming, it can be reassuring to talk to the pediatrician who can if necessary perform a hearing test or possibly refer to a speech therapist. Better to detect a hearing disorder early if this is the case, and otherwise we will just be reassured that the reason for this sound volume does not depend on that 😉!
2 – The more the child masters verbal language, the less he needs to shout
When the child is screaming instead of speaking, there may be different reasons: frustration not to make himself understood which makes him very angry, a means of discharge your blood pressure (see also the attachment figure), the need to feel heard, because we go about our business by listening to him distracted, the general sound volume from home, the need for take his place within a large sibling … In short, lots of things can explain this behavior. But it is certain that the more baby will speak correctly and will succeed in making himself understood, the less he will need to turn up the volume while shouting!
This is also why the sign language is a great tool to pass on to our child from birth so that he has the necessary tools to make his needs understood before having the brain mature enough to express himself verbally.
3 – really listen
It might seem obvious, though, when chatting with my friend and her 2 year old son who doesn’t speak and screams, she realized she was not as attentive and listening as she thought she was outside of the moment he was cranking up the volumee. Likewise, for various reasons, when he was a baby, she tended to go and take care of him especially when he cried or cried. It is therefore normal that the child has integrated that to be heard, it is necessary to shout instead of speaking.
Moreover, if your child is often angry and you are looking for tips to channel or demine these explosions, we have created the ANTI-ANGER PACK: the ultimate file to manage frustrations, “whims” and other crises ! Full of advice and welcome ideas to reduce anger and learn to manage his emotions, he helps to better live these difficult times. To receive it, leave us your email below and receive it directly in your inbox. 👉
4 – welcome emotions
When her 2 year old son is not speaking and is screaming, my friend takes the time to stand up to her, look him in the eye, and show him that she understands his emotion. By speaking calmly, she managed to gently lower the sound level and above all, to give her son other tools to express himself. So, I heard him answer him gently “Yes, my Loulou. I understood that you are angry because you want a piece of chocolate (welcoming emotion). I agree that you eat a piece of apple, but you had enough sugar (explanation). You have the right to tell me “I’m angry” or “I’m sad” (permission to express feelings). ” And as her little one was still screaming, she gently took him onto her lap. Physical contact helps the child to contain himself emotionally and to calm down and rejuvenate himself.
5 – speak softly
As often, imitation is our best ally (see also mirror neurons). In Montessori classes, calm is often the order of the day, as adults and children make sure to speak at a relatively low level of noise. We necessarily want to shout in a station hall more than in a library, right? Rather than bawling at our child because he is screaming, let’s try to make him understand through play and imitation.
6 – Give positive directives
If I say to you, “don’t think of a pink elephant, what are you thinking?”. For a child, it’s the same except that his very immature brain has trouble dealing with negation. As Isabelle Filliozat explains very well in her book “I tried everything”, speaking positively is particularly important with children, especially around the age of 2-3 years. So when our child is in the midst of an emotional storm, let’s try to prioritize “Shhh, speak softly” while whispering, rather than “don’t shout” while screaming…
Accompanying a child who screams all the time instead of talking is certainly not easy. It is also very taxing on our nerves and our ears 😉! But let’s bet that with confidence and PATIENCE, it will be possible to help them change their behavior, so that the whole family regains an acceptable noise level. Let us also remember that a child is necessarily emotional and often noisy, and that giving them moments of freedom is necessary to better accept the constraints at other times.
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“My 2 year old son does not speak and shouts”: 6 keys to lower the volume